Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
