i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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