i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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