So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
