I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
