I think I am morally bankrupt
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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