i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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