dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
