Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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