id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize