Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
