She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
