I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
