is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
