I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
