you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize