I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
