You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
