why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
