If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Randomize
