She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
