Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
