so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
