I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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