i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
