Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
