So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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