i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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