mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
