he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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