My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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