Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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