I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
