They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
