you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
