Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
do nipples grow back?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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