It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize