a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
