We named our party play list daddy issues
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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