Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
