I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
