Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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