I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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