I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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