So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize