tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
