Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
