Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm jealous of your bromance
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
