If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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