Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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