this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
