Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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