Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
