i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize