You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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