So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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