It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize