Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize