New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize