Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
