Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
