you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
