just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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