Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
