you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
