Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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